That goddamned perfection again
Since the MiniDebConf Jonas and I have been travelling in
Spain, France and finally staying in Belgium for a week,
getting some work done. It's been harder than imagined to
work during travel. I haven't exercised either, and regained
at least three of four kilos I spent much time and effort
getting rid in the year preceding. I thrive in my home and
find it hard to keep my own time and focus when I am deprived
of my own space.
It was challenging to give a talk, "Why aren't more designers
using Debian or working for Debian", my first public talk.
I've been working to recapture my points in writing, to make a
stronger statement, but I seem to blur my own views with
conflicting ones, and I'm loosing momentum every day.
One of my reasons for speaking up was to do it even though
I'm not at trained speaker and have "nothing" to contribute
but my opinions from the angle of a user that happens to be a
designer. Not claiming to be a superior designer, but one that
would like to contribute if it was easier to figure out how.
And since the community wants to encourage designers to
contribute to the Debian project, I figured it to be a good
idea to talk about how this has been challenging to me as a
dedicated user and completely out of the question for any
other designer I know - or knew before the minidebconf. No
reseach, no scientific proofs, just my wiew from my "dumb
user" and designer's perspective.
I saw one single attendant rolling his eyes during my talk.
I didn't care at that time, but I've given that look more
consideration than the people approaching me after the talk,
saying thank you for voicing their opinions and thoughts.
I think that's absolutely astonishing and at the same time
it's just typically me. It makes me angry, first with myself
for not speaking to this man's perception of things, then with
myself for not just letting go of that image. I'm really glad
that so many seemed to listen with curiosity and interest.
What if one more - or half of the auditorium - had rolled
their eyes? I don't like to feel that vulnerable.
The truth is, though, that I'm really not. I gave the talk
against my fear of failure and public humiliation and I'm
convinced that my thoughts and actions matter, just as
anybody's does, if we dare to say what's on our minds and to
take action. I believe it's in anybody's power to "make a
difference" and even "change the world" - at least in a small
way. I guess that's one of the underlying reasons to be a
designer in the first place. That is quite a strong position
to take.
I've created the wikipage http://wiki.debian.org/Design - well
knowing that design is a word with many meanings. Everything
is design. Since the talk I've been in doubt about that page.
About the project, my aim with it, what to do about it, how to
move on with just a tiny babystep, and I realise that I'm
simply afraid to be disturbing someone's peace, making people
angry or roll their eyes at my fumbling attempts to figure out
in public what can be done to make a thriving community of
designers collaborating with coders to make better, more
usable and attractive software in the free, wide world. I'm
starting a design process, not presenting a perfect, finished
solution.
Now, having put these thoughts into words, perhaps, my mind
will be somewhat appeaced and let me move on with my intended
tasks of cultivating that acclaimed space in the Debian
information jungle into a friendly and welcoming place with
info that makes it easier to be a contributing designer in Debian.
[[!tag english minidebconf debian]]
[[!meta date=2014-03-30]]
